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When is the last time you and your partner did a relationship check-in?
Whether you’re married or in a long-term relationship, this is a simple tool that can help the two of you connect more deeply, communicate more openly, and, well, rock your partnership. Is this something you want? Then read on, friend!
PS: The relationship checkup is the prompt for Day 2 of our 30-day relationship challenge. Make sure you check it out if you’re looking for more ways to grow closer to your partner.
Table of Contents
What is a Relationship Check-In?
A relationship check in, sometimes called a marriage meeting, a couples check in, a relationship check up, or even a “state of the union” meeting, is exactly what it sounds like: a time for those in a relationship to communicate about how things are going relationship-wise.
You might be thinking, me and my spouse talk constantly, what is the point of this meeting?
The benefit of the couples check-up is that it is totally relationship-focused. While your other conversations likely involve everything from running the household to where you’re going to vacation next, this particular session of communication is going to center solely on your relationship.
This is important because it creates a venue where talking about any relationship issues is welcome and expected. If you’ve got something delicate to bring up to your partner, the marriage meeting is an ideal time, when both of you are present and ready to discuss some deep, important stuff.
How Often Should You Check In with Your Partner?
Some of the relationship advice out there suggests a weekly relationship meeting is ideal, but I think that whatever works for you and your partner is what makes sense.
Nathan and I don’t feel the need for these checkups to happen too often because we regularly talk about serious issues in our everyday conversation. Not to mention, we also work from home together, so we have plenty of opportunities to talk. Some might say too much…
For most couples, a bi-weekly or monthly relationship check-in is probably going to be the sweet spot. But feel free to experiment and see what works for you.
How to Do a Relationship Check-in
Finally, how does a couple do a marriage checkup? These can absolutely follow whatever format you like. For many couples, it is something they choose to incorporate on date night. Why not make this meeting fun? Grab drinks, snacks, and whatever you need. No one said your relationship checkup can’t be fun!
Having this talk will help you to discover if you’re on the same page in the relationship, as well as to identify areas that may need work. It confirms that both your needs are being met, and if not, gives you the chance to discuss how to fix that. The meeting also gives you the opportunity to reflect on and celebrate what’s going well.
And finally, it gives you the chance to dream, too. Your check-in can include more than just an assessment of what’s happening currently. It can be a place for the two of you to talk about the future, coming up with the marriage goals you share or simply the dreams and plans you have for your life together. Make this meeting exactly what you need.
To get the conversation started, here’s a list of a few questions you can ask one another. Use whichever ones work for you.
Relationship Check-In Questions
- What went well in our relationship this week? (this month?)
- What went poorly this week? How can we fix it?
- What is something I did this week that made you feel loved?
- How could I help you more on a regular basis?
- What is something I can do regularly to make you feel loved and appreciated?
- Is there something I’ve done that upset or hurt you this week? How can I make it better?
- Did we make time for closeness and connection this week? If not, how can we prioritize that in the future?
- Is there something we need to work on as a couple to have a stronger relationship?
- What are your main stressors right now? How can I help?
- What can I do to help or support you in the coming week?
- How are you feeling about our sex life?
- How would you rate our communication this week? How can we improve?
- Anything else you want to share with me?
You might also like:
- 10 Relationship Rituals That Can Bring You Closer
- The Best Couples Communication Books to Read Together
- 6 Marriage Mistakes You Might Be Making
- 10 Common Relationship Problems (and how you can fix them!)
- 7 Best Journals for Couples of All Kinds
- How to Fall Back in Love with Your Partner: Tips from 10+ Years of Marriage
- How to Save Your Marriage: 7 Tried & True Tips for You
- Top Signs of an Unhappy Marriage (and how to make it better)
- Top 10 Relationship Green Flags for a Healthy Relationship
- Affair-Proof: 7 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Infidelity
- How to Build Trust in a Relationship (Even if it’s Broken)
Amy Hartle is the author of Do You Love Me? How To Stop Seeking Reassurance in Relationships, a book on reassurance seeking and relationship anxiety. Both her book and this blog are born of personal experience; Amy shares expert relationship advice from the lessons learned during her own 10+ years with her husband, as well as couples travel tips and romantic getaway recommendations, all gleaned while traveling the world together.