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Since the time when romantic relationships began, women have sought after clues and signs from potential husbands. Does he want to marry me? Is he looking for a bride? And what it boils down to: What are the signs he wants to marry you?
Of course, it may have been easier in the past, when suitors declared their intentions to you and, well, to your parents, mostly. But in the intervening decades of dating and romantic love, when we’ve started prioritizing love over arrangements and suitable “matches”, it has become trickier.
Now, the emotions and intentions of both men and women have grown a bit murkier, caught up in the complex web of romance. How can you tell if a guy wants to get married? And, in particular, married to you!
The Best Way to Find Out if He Wants to Marry You
I’m all about honesty. I think it’s silly for two grown people not to be open and forthright about their feelings and intentions towards one another. If you’re wondering about how to know if he wants to marry you (whether that’s soon or “someday”), the best thing you can do is ask him outright.
I’m not suggesting you ask this on the 2nd date, or even a few months into the relationship, but after a couple of years together, it’s totally okay to ask a straightforward “where are we headed?” Why not get back to being clear about our intentions? To me, that’s far better (and healthier) than any game or intrigue.
But if you’re not quite ready to do that, if you’re still seeking clues about his feelings for you, then let this article help you out. If he’s moving toward a proposal, here are a handful of clear, likely hints you’re the one he wants to marry.
10 Clues That He Might Want to Get Married (And to You!)
He isn’t afraid to talk about the future—with you in it.
One of the major indications that he wants to marry you in the future is when he is very comfortable with talking about the future. It probably will come as no shock that a man who regularly avoids discussions of future intentions is not a man who is concerned with making long-term plans. In fact, if he routinely avoids conversations about the future, he may be far from ready for marriage.
But a dude who is planning to pop the question—or at least considering the possibility of it in the future—isn’t shy about talking about his hopes, dreams, and plans with you. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he talks directly about marriage, weddings, and babies (especially in the early part of a relationship), but if he talks about ideas for a future that include you, that’s a great sign.
He might chat about trips you’ll take together, plans you’ll make, and other far-future scenarios. As long as he shows you you’re a key character in these plans for the future, this is an excellent sign that he may be in it for the long haul.
He frequently uses “we” more than “me.”
Not only should your man talk about a future with you in it, but he should also be focusing on the present with you, too.
Does he talk more about the “we” of his life than the “me”? Is he self-focused, or relationship-focused?
One of the more telling signs that he wants to marry you is that he thinks of the two of you as a unit. Marriage is about a commitment and becoming one with your partner; a unified front. A man that regularly emphasizes your partnership and your “we”-ness, is likely already viewing the two of you as a united force. This man is probably a lot closer to being ready for marriage, and it’s highly likely you’re the one he plans to pursue it with.
You’re a major factor in his decision making.
Speaking of existing as a “we,” a significant clue of your relationship status is how your partner thinks of you when making decisions. If he’s treating you two as a unit, he should be making decisions that put your wellbeing and your desires/needs as a priority.
Does your man consult you when making big decisions? Does he trust and value your opinion? Does he look to see how choices he makes will affect you? Perhaps the two of you already feel like a family. These are significant indicators that you have a vital place of importance in his life and that he is already thinking of things as they apply to the two of you.
If he never consults you, or regularly makes major life decisions without talking to you, this could be a sign that he’s still living in a bachelor mentality, focusing primarily on his own wants and needs. (See also: emotionally unavailable man).
You’ve met his family.
Topping any list of signs a man wants to marry you someday is this tidbit: he’s introduced you to his family.
While this is not a sure sign of intended matrimony—particularly if a guy is simply close with his family—it’s still a really, really good sign.
In fact, if the two of you have been together for a significant time and you haven’t met his family, this could be problematic.
A man who introduces you to the important people in his life is letting you know that you’re important to him, too, and that he wants to show you off to the people who matter, like his family and friends. This can also indicate that he wants their opinion on his potential future mate.
Read Next: 9 Signs You’re With the Wrong Person
He regularly makes sacrifices for you.
Does your partner frequently put you first? Does he make sacrifices big and small for you, letting you choose the restaurant, accompanying you to events he’s not thrilled about, or putting aside something important to him just for you?
These sacrifices, and the ability to compromise and get along tell a great deal about your potential spouse, indicating that not only may he be ready for marriage, but that he’s got the makings of a great husband as well.
He is “ready” in other areas of his life.
One of the reasons men sometimes hesitate to take that next step and propose is this: they are not where they want to be in life, yet. So, if your man is just starting out in his career, or is constantly worried about the amount of money (or lack thereof) in his bank account, marriage may not be the first thing on his mind. From his perspective, he’s still trying to get his life together.
A better sign of an impending engagement is when your guy seems like he is doing well in his career, and is fairly secure financially. Hopefully, he is communicative about these areas of his life and you know pretty well what his situation is. (If he is secretive about things and doesn’t open up to you, you may have other issues at hand. (See relationship red flags).
He is consistent.
Consistency is surprisingly important when looking for clues your boyfriend wants to marry you. Consistency is huge.
According to this article, consistency is more telling than chemistry when it comes to long-term love:
Therapist Cynthia Catchings says, “Consistency is a combination of behaviors that include dependability, trust, and a true desire to have a companion and form a serious relationship…People who are more consistent with their interactions with one another, such as having predictable behaviors and good communication, have longer and more successful relationships.”
Is your dude consistent in the way he acts toward you? What about in general? Is he a dependable person who says what he is going to do and then does it? Is his typical day-to-day behavior expected and familiar? These are all good signals, and what is especially important is his consistency in his treatment of you.
You’ve talked about marriage.
Okay, this may be a no-brainer. Have the two of you actually discussed marriage? Was it a positive conversation? Did you feel like you were on the same page, and that your desires are in alignment?
If you’re wondering “will he marry me,” but you’ve never had a conversation about the topic, now might be the time.
By the way, it is totally okay if your partner doesn’t feel gung-ho about marriage right away. My husband had a lot of anxiety and hesitation when it came to the lifelong commitment of marriage (and unsurprisingly, a whole lot of us do, men and women both). So our first marriage talks were tentative, but I could see that he wasn’t opposed to marriage and that he considered it a major deal. He took the commitment and decision of marriage extremely seriously, and that, to me, was a really important sign.
PS: If you’re with an amazing person who loves you and is committed to you, it can be worth being patient and understanding if they’re not quite ready for marriage.
He has friends or close family members who are married.
Fascinatingly, many relationship experts agree that one of the top signs he will marry you is if he already has married friends! This can also apply if he has a married family member around the same age, like a cousin or a brother.
On an obvious level, this could be because your partner sees other men he knows getting married and it makes the concept of marriage less scary and unknown. On a scientific level, your guy might be noticing that his married mates are happier and healthier. Research demonstrates that married men are healthier and live longer than their unmarried counterparts. This may be something he soon discovers he wants for himself.
So if you’ve been attending lots of the weddings of family and friends together, chances are your boyfriend might be inching closer to matrimony—especially if the other things on this list ring true.
He supports you through difficult situations.
Finally, a man may be looking to marry you if he has demonstrated his ability to be there for you in tough times. That’s not just a good sign, but a great one. Getting through hard times together connects you in immeasurable ways. Plus, if you and he have hard times in your relationship and have gotten through stronger, this shows real dedication to the relationship overall. These are all positive signs that you’ve met the right person—and that they are probably keen on a long-term commitment.
Of course, a kind and loving partner may simply not be interested in marriage, and in that case, a good old-fashioned discussion needs to take place so the two of you know where you stand. But in many cases, a man who has been treating you right and with devotion and commitment is in it for the long haul, and is one who wants to marry you.
Read Next: 7 Things People in Happy Relationships Don’t Do
What If He Doesn’t Want to Marry You? Or Doesn’t Want to Get Married at All?
Okay, so what if you’re at a crossroads. You’ve discovered that the man you’re with doesn’t intend to pursue matrimony, either with you or with any person. What do you do?
First, make sure you have genuinely had an open discussion together about whether or not he wants to get married. You need to hear directly from him what his thoughts on matrimony and commitment are. Don’t just go by this list of signs: they are only indicators and do not constitute proof!
But once you know for certain where he stands, you get to make your decision.
- Accept It & Stay
- Accept It & Leave
Make the decision that is best for you and for your future. This is super hard, and will involve being completely honest with yourself. You need to take a good, solid look at what you really want and need from a relationship. Is marriage important to you? Have you always dreamed of getting married? No matter how much you love someone, if this type of commitment matters deeply to you, it is something you should not disregard.
Or maybe in your mind getting married just equates to a piece of paper and it doesn’t change how you feel about each other. That is totally okay, too! If you’re comfortable with that, great! Whatever you decide, make sure that you’re paying attention to your true needs and acting in alignment with your personal values.
Want to read more love & relationship resources? Check out these other posts on our site:
- Relationship Advice for Couples: 12 Principles for Lasting Relationships
- Do You Love Me? How to Stop Needing Reassurance in Your Relationship
- 8 Real Relationship Goals Worth Striving For
- 26 Common Relationship Myths You Need to Stop Believing Immediately
Amy Hartle is the author of Do You Love Me? How To Stop Seeking Reassurance in Relationships, a book on reassurance seeking and relationship anxiety. Both her book and this blog are born of personal experience; Amy shares expert relationship advice from the lessons learned during her own 10+ years with her husband, as well as couples travel tips and romantic getaway recommendations, all gleaned while traveling the world together.