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So you’ve met someone new and seemingly wonderful. How do you know if it’s a relationship meant to last? Can there be signs you’ve met the right person? We think so, and guest author Emma Frances shares her opinion on 9 things that happen when you meet the right person.
Like us, Emma met her partner while traveling (on a working holiday in Japan). While a holiday romance can be a magical whirlwind, it can also be a great litmus test to see if you’ve met the right partner for a lasting relationship.
And whether you’re traveling or not, being in an exciting, new relationship can cloud your judgment. To meet someone new is a thrill and you are no doubt flush with the novelty and possibility. But by looking for the right signs, you can see with a bit more clarity if your partner is a keeper for the long run.
When you meet the right person, you’ll discover certain things become true…
How to Know You’ve Met the Right Person
You can spend time apart (but you don’t want to)
If you really want to know if you have met the right person, then leave. Go somewhere else for a month or two. Your body has been flooded with hormones. It’s no wonder you can’t make logical decisions right now!
Play it by ear but I recommend minimal contact. If it was just a fling, it might be painful for a week or two but your feelings will soon evaporate. If a good chunk of time passes and your feelings haven’t changed, then that’s a good indication that you want something more long term. Does the time apart make you feel just awful? Let them know!
If you already made life plans before you met your partner, follow through on them. I am notoriously spontaneous and often jump into new situations with little thought of the consequences. That can lead to some wonderful experiences, but it can also be a disaster.
If you’re making a big decision like moving to another country to be with your partner, make sure you give it time to make sure that’s what both of you really want. It’s easy to get carried away and you could find yourself in a bad situation a long way from the people who know and love you.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Telling someone you’ve just met that you want to spend the rest of your life with them might feel genuine in the moment, but it’s simply not realistic. It’s not fair to fill someone’s head with dreams that are just that; only dreams.
A few months later you may feel differently and it isn’t fair to get someone’s hopes up and then abandon them when you realise that you can’t follow through. That doesn’t mean you have to give up hope. Make your feelings known. If you don’t ask, then you’ll never know!
You’re both willing to compromise
A relationship should be about compromise, not sacrifice. If one partner always has to buy the plane ticket/change their plans/give up on their dreams then the relationship is one-sided and the other person’s needs are not being met.
Be mindful that you are not always the victim – if you keep on asking your partner to make sacrifices on your behalf, but aren’t willing to compromise on any of your desires, then it’s time to reassess your motives.
In a loving relationship, you will work together to overcome obstacles, and compromise will be necessary on both sides. This is a great green flag in a relationship.
You eagerly tell your family/friends about the relationship
I understand that some people have a difficult relationship with their family. This may apply more to friendships for some of you.
But if you’ve booked a flight to Thailand next week with your new love and haven’t told the people closest to you because you fear they won’t take it seriously, it might be because you aren’t taking it seriously either.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you are serious about the relationship you will probably want to share its existence with your nearest and dearest. When you meet the right person, you often feel you want to shout it from the rooftops.
You should also be mindful of your safety. It’s important to keep loved ones in the loop because, despite your feelings, a new lover is essentially a total stranger. Even if you’re not in any physical danger, you could be in a bad place emotionally without any friends around to check in on your well-being. Introducing your partner to your family or friends, even if it’s via Skype, is a great idea. It’s easy to become isolated and lose yourself and good friends will pick up on bad vibes that you may have been choosing to ignore.
Meeting friends and relatives can be nerve-wracking even for an outgoing person, but your partner should recognise why this is important. An outright refusal to engage with your wider social circle is a major red flag.
You’re willing to let them go
This might sound counter-intuitive but in a truly loving relationship, both partners want the best for each other.
Remember, you don’t own anyone. Trying to force a relationship can kill it, and might taint your memories of the good times you shared together.
Love can be real and still not last forever. If either partner’s happiness would be better served by them continuing their journey alone, then you must be prepared to let them go.
It’s normal to feel attached to your partner, but you can’t derive happiness only from each other. True contentment comes from within. Your relationship should be the icing on the cake. Your partner should make you feel wonderful, but like an added bonus to the self-love you already have.
You have realistic expectations
There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship. There will always be parts of each other that you do not like all of the time. It only becomes a problem if you try to pretend that this isn’t the case.
But meeting the right person tends to help us develop more realistic expectations. Perhaps this is because the right person for us will be one that helps us to have a healthy, balanced, respectful relationship. We also begin to see what real love looks like.
You can talk about anything
I believe honesty is always the best policy, but if you are spending time apart then it becomes especially important. Misunderstandings can occur easily when you are not communicating face to face.
Address any issues as they arise and talk it through with your partner. No topic should be off-limits. Don’t allow your fears and frustrations to build up and jump to conclusions based on incomplete or imagined evidence.
In general, try to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If you can’t trust each other then your relationship is built on very weak foundations and it may be that you haven’t met the right person.
When you are living apart or planning a drastic move to be with your partner, you might need to have some big conversations earlier than you normally would in a relationship. If you’re taking a big step like moving to another country, then it’s important to know that you’re both on the same page.
I’m not saying you need to pick out baby names but if your partner has always wanted two boys and a girl and a litter of Alaskan Malamutes running around the house, but you can’t stand kids or animals, that might be something you want to find out before you uproot your life to be with them.
You help each other grow
Is your relationship greater than the sum of its parts? If you have met the right person then you will work with each other as a team to become the best versions of yourselves.
You will delight in each other’s successes and commiserate in their failures. You will help your partner to develop their weak points and they will do the same for you. And you’ll discover that sacrificing and giving for someone else is transformative.
If you are both better people since knowing each other, then you know when you meet the right person.
You both want the relationship to work out
I think that intent is something that is often overlooked regarding the success of a relationship.
The romantic notion that love is based on some kind of magical bond that exists through space and time and can endure any hardship can be very damaging.
It minimizes the emphasis on the amount of effort that goes into maintaining a healthy relationship.
Yes, it’s important to feel a strong spark with your partner. But relationships require a lot of work, whether you’ve found the “right person” or not.
If you are both prepared to put in the effort and are rooting for a positive outcome, then your relationship is more likely to stand the test of time than that of someone who romantically believes that love conquers all and you are just destined to be together.
You share a sense of humor
Relationships are hard. Cross-cultural or long distance relationships are even harder. But if when times are hard, you are still able to make each other laugh, you have a better chance of making it through adversity in one piece. There aren’t many situations that can’t be resolved with a big dollop of compassion and a good sense of humor. To me, this is one of the strongest signs you’ve met the right person.
As you get older, you realise the truth in all of the cliches. And while there certainly is truth in the saying, ‘When you know, you just know,’ I would like to suggest an updated version:
When you think you know, give it 12 months. If after a year, you still know, then you’re probably right.
Read these next:
- Signs You’re With the Wrong Person
- Right Person, Wrong Time: Signs You’re in a Right Person Wrong Time Situation
- How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship
- 15 Pieces of Bad Relationship Advice You Should Definitely Ignore
- Tips for a Long Distance Relationship
- 8 Tips for Listening in Relationships: How to Be a Better Listener
- How to Not Lose Yourself in a Relationship: 8 Ways to Stay True to Yourself
- 20 Relationship Quizzes to Take as a Couple
About the Author: Emma Frances is a travelling artist, musician and writer. Originally from the UK, she has called many places home. From China to Japan, Romania to Australia; each place has its own stories to tell. A graduate of Dartington College of Arts; she is currently furthering her studies in Chinese Mandarin. She loves swimming in the ocean, attending poetry open mic nights and generally doing things that frighten her. She writes about her adventures on her website: https://emmafrances.co.uk