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Opposites really do attract, don’t they? If you’re an extrovert and your favorite person is an introvert, you might be looking for information about dating an introvert to learn how to be more supportive in your relationship.
That’s great; you’ve come to the right place! Learning more about dating an introvert is going to be especially helpful for you if you’re a full-blown extrovert, the type of person who loves and is energized by social interactions. Taking the time to learn more about dating an introvert will be appreciated by your favorite introvert, for sure!
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What Being Introverted Really Means
Being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean that you hate all large social groups and gatherings, or that you always prefer one-on-one activities and never feel like going to parties. Most of us are a mix of extroverted and introverted, with people who lean more towards the introverted side tending to need more recovery time after social interactions and activities and more prep time before.
Learning more about how to be a better partner to your introverted significant other will benefit both of you!
Tips for Dating an Introvert
1) Ask what they need
Don’t wait for them to tell you they need space, ask them how often they like to have alone time, and check in often, asking how they’re feeling.
2) Don’t take their need for solitude personally
Introverts commonly feel depleted after a lot of social interaction, even if it’s just one-on-one with the person they love! Show your support by understanding time alone for them isn’t about time away from you, it’s time for themselves to recharge.
3) Plan dates that work for them
Perhaps your person might be more comfortable going out for coffee rather than going out for a drink in a crowded bar, or going for a hike rather than walking through a shopping mall. Ask for their feedback and take it seriously!
4) Give plenty of warning before a social activity
If you’d like to invite them to a friend’s party, give plenty of notice so they can mentally prepare for it. Surprise social engagements aren’t typically a favorite of introverts.
5) Make space for them in the conversation
Sometimes extroverts can take an introvert’s quieter, slower pace of sharing and speaking as a cue to talk more, but introverts have plenty to share too, as long as there’s space for it! Make an effort to ask thoughtful questions and give space for the answers.
6) Be ready to compromise
For some extrovert/introvert couples, this might look like trading off on date night ideas: one night is the extrovert’s ideal date, one night is the introvert’s ideal date. It also might look like making arrangements for dates where you know you (the extrovert) will probably want to stay longer, so maybe you decide in advance that an uber will be called to take the introvert home when they’re done so the extrovert can stay and fill their cup, too.
7) Don’t try to force them into social situations they are uncomfortable with
Introversion isn’t the same thing as social anxiety or being shy, and an introverted person won’t just “get used to” the same level of social activity that an extroverted person prefers. Relationships require accepting who we are. If you’re trying to change someone, they are not the person for you.
As the relationship progresses and you get to know each other better, you and your significant other will likely find a great rhythm for your relationship. Extroverts often find that they begin to value the quieter, slower-paced activities and times of connection more because of their introverted partner, and introverted partners often find that they enjoy more group social interactions when they have their extrovert partner there to support them.
Some extrovert/introvert couples use a preset “excuse,” code word, or even just a look that can be given when out in public so the introvert can subtly let the extrovert know they need some time to recharge.
You can also learn how to better communicate your feelings for each other by learning what your love languages are, too. Just by reaching out to learn more about dating an introvert, it is likely you and yours will eventually hit your ideal rhythm and your relationship will be all the stronger for the efforts made by both of you to show up as supportive, helpful partners for each other.
Read these next:
- 8 Real Relationship Goals All Couples Should Have
- How to Build Trust in a Relationship (Even if it’s Broken)
- What is Real Love? A Practical Guide for Humans with Hearts
- 10 Common Signs You Might be Dating a Narcissist
- 10 Ways to Maintain Connection in a Relationship
- 10 Common Relationship Problems (and how to fix them!)
- 5 Tried and True Tips for Building Intimacy in a Relationship
- 7 Journals for Couples of All Kinds
Amy Hartle is the author of Do You Love Me? How To Stop Seeking Reassurance in Relationships, a book on reassurance seeking and relationship anxiety. Both her book and this blog are born of personal experience; Amy shares expert relationship advice from the lessons learned during her own 10+ years with her husband, as well as couples travel tips and romantic getaway recommendations, all gleaned while traveling the world together.