Do you find that you’re constantly seeking and needing reassurance in a relationship? That was me just a few short years ago.  In this post, I’m going to tell you my story, how I discovered how to stop needing reassurance from my boyfriend and what has helped me grow.

Relationship Reassurance: What's it all about?

The need for reassurance is actually a universal, human one.  That’s good news. It means that looking for comfort and security are completely normal things that we all do.   It’s when that all that reassurance doesn’t actually reassure us that things start to grow problematic.

Why do I need constant reassurance in a relationship? 

I was what you’d call a sensitive child. Although I was nearly always happy, it didn’t take much to upset me and I cried very easily. I had a lot of fears and anxieties growing up and I hated conflict.

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I still hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs. Somewhere along the way, I grew to equate conflict with a lack of love. I have no idea how this originated.  Then, at 23, I had a painful, unexpected breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years.

I had discovered that someone could hide their true feelings from me and then suddenly be completely gone from my life. It’s highly likely this is when I went down the path of feeling insecure in a relationship, and when my reassurance-seeking started.

Why do I need reassurance in my relationship if it's such a good one?

In a lot of ways, we came to the relationship from opposite ends of the spectrum. Our attachment styles, personalities, and each of our own separate anxieties went head to head. He’s a major introvert. I’m an extrovert. 

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